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learning from failure

<photos: left-going up steep blue ice cliffs to Imja Tse, middle-falling way behind, right-turning around with the peak of Imja Tse within sight>

Imja Tse, also known as Island Peak, is located in the Himalayas of eastern Nepal. towering at 6,189m, Imja Tse would be the highest mountain that I have attempted so far. Mount Elbrus, which I summited last year, peaks at 5,642m. on a cold morning in April 2016, i set off for Imja Tse at 2am. the climb to the summit of Imja Tse starts from base camp at around 5,000m.

for the first 6 hours, we climbed up steep rocky paths in the dark, guided by the dim lights of our head torchlights. we had no idea how steep it was until when we were coming down many hours later. when we reached the snow line, we put on our snow boots and crampons and were immediately faced with steep blue ice cliffs and crevasses.

i was climbing up a blue ice cliff when the rope i was holding came loose. and looking back, i didn't know why i wasn't hooked on to a safely line. and of course i fell. everything happened in slow motion as i fell past the climbers below me. it was a miracle that i had my ice axe in my hand as i fell. as i hurtled towards the bottom of the cliff with an inevitable ending, i arched my arm and whacked the ice axe into the hard ice. and it held and i stopped falling. i was surprising calm as i hung there while the guide came towards me and asked me if i was ok.

with a near death experience behind me, i continued on towards the summit of Imja Tse. by then, i was exhausted but still intent on reaching the peak. summit fever had gripped me until i was just 200m from the peak when my lungs gave up on me. the peak of Imja Tse was within sight and i could see the climbers ahead of me who were almost there. and i was almost there too. but almost there is still not there and i was falling behind with every passing minute.

i knew that if i pushed hard, notwithstanding my lungs, i can stand on the summit in just two more hours. and I also knew that i wouldn't be able to come back down alive, having expended all my energy to reach the top. this is the moment that climbers call the summit dilemma - would you want to attempt to reach the peak but risk never coming down? do you give up on all those hours of training and costs incurred getting to this point of being so close, and yet so far. i looked at Imja Tse and I said - "see you at the top another day" and i turned around.

on the way down back to base camp, and even now and everyday, the thoughts of "should i have pushed on?" still swirl in my head. i know i have made the right decision because I am still alive to climb the next peak. #whynot #basecampcafe #bcc

"what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"

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